| THE OWNER 427 |
Not till I am certain of myself,
and no longer seeking for myself, am I really my property; I have
myself, therefore I use and enjoy myself. On the other hand, I
can never take comfort in myself as long as I think that I have
still to find my true self and that it must come to this, that
not I but Christ or some other spiritual, i.e. ghostly,
self (e. g. the true man, the essence of man, etc.) lives
in me.
A vast interval separates the two
views. In the old I go toward myself, in the new I start from
myself; in the former I long for myself, in the latter I have
myself and do with myself as one does with any other property
-- I enjoy myself at my pleasure. I am no longer afraid for my
life, but "squander" it.
Henceforth, the question runs, not
how one can acquire life, but how one can squander, enjoy it;
or, not how one is to produce the true self in himself, but how
one is to dissolve himself, to live himself out.
What else should the ideal be but
the sought-for ever-distant self? One seeks for himself, consequently
one doth not yet have himself; one aspires toward what one ought
to be, consequently one is not it. One lives in longing
and has lived thousands of years in it, in hope. Living
is quite another thing in -- enjoyment!